Can I tell you something?
I’ve never been a fan of the Fourth of July – not the fourth day of July per se, but the national holiday and all it entails. I’m not a jingoist and am unimpressed and uncomfortable with overt displays of patriotic zeal. Especially lately. The Fourth is my least favorite national holiday, however, because I hate fireworks. I’m sure household pets despise the Fourth more than I do, but loud noises upset me too, and when accompanied by pyrotechnics which can maim, I’ll pass. Even viewed from afar where hearing and finger loss are less likely, I’m not excited by the ephemeral éclat. If you know of an entire 15-minute display with nothing but grand-finale bursts, call me – otherwise I’ll stay home and cover my ears.
But that’s not what I wanted to tell you.
Celebrating the Fourth has been a thing nearly as long as America has been a thing. In fact, a bit longer because the date we celebrate as the birth of our country was actually the day the Declaration of Independence was signed in 1776, and it wasn’t until 1783 that we won the Revolutionary War and were recognized as a sovereign nation by the rest of the world.
On top of that, independence was actually voted on and declared by the Second Continental Congress on July 2nd, so that really should be when we celebrate, not the 4th when the document was signed. And never mind that most scholars now believe the Declaration wasn’t signed until August, we are going to party on the Fourth.
Whatever the actual date of independence, John Adams, giddy after the vote on July 2nd, wrote to his wife Abigail “The second day of July 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.”
I’m not clear how shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations demonstrate a solemn devotion to God, or why He would care even if they did, but Adams issued a clarion call to celebrate the occasion and when one of your founding fathers tells you to do something, you do it.
We were still at war with Great Britain, however, which made it hard to party hardy, but in 1777 the Continental Congress officially noted the occasion with a celebration, and in 1778 General George Washington marked the date by issuing his soldiers a double ration of rum, thereby setting the precedent that everyone should drink twice as much on the Fourth as they normally do.
When the war finally ended in 1783, North Carolina laid claim to the first official public event, and by the turn of the century private as well as public displays of patriotism on the Fourth were very common. Many people still went to church to thank God for independence – and the double ration of rum – but celebrations gradually became more secular in nature, with flags and streamers and balloons and bands playing and huge bonfires in town squares the night before. This may have been the precursor of the great fireworks displays, and indeed as those became more common the bonfires died out.
Speaking of dying, Adams, the ‘Father of the Fourth’ did so on July 4th, 1826, the 50th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, which everyone thought was bizarre and a sign from God to back off the rum. Thomas Jefferson, who along with Adams were the only two signatories of the Declaration to serve as President of the United States, died on the very same day. Which was even more bizarre.
In 1870, Congress declared the Fourth an unpaid holiday for federal workers, and in 1938 it was changed it to a paid holiday. Most businesses followed suit making it a holiday from work for almost everyone, and now if the day falls on a Saturday or Sunday, the adjacent Friday or Monday are observed.
But that’s not what I wanted to tell you either.
Today, the Fourth is celebrated by families and friends with parties, picnics and barbecues, in houses, parks, fairgrounds, sports venues, and town squares, often bedecked with red, white, and blue banners, bunting and such. American flags ranging from tiny to ridiculously large are displayed everywhere, and almost all towns and cities have daytime parades and fireworks displays at dusk.
Military bases mark the occasion with 50-gun salutes, one for each state of the union, and patriotic paeans are played including The Star-Spangled Banner, America the Beautiful, God Bless America, My Country ‘Tis of Thee, This Land is Your Land – you see the pattern here – Stars and Stripes Forever, Yankee Doodle, God Bless the U.S.A., and Dixie in the south because evidently trying to secede from the Union is very patriotic.
A third of Americans buy fireworks for their own private celebrations so they can terrorize pets and torture neighbors. These include popular favorites like firecrackers, bottle rockets, roman candles, and sparklers – the only ones that don’t make a lot of noise – but also aerials, barrages, fountains, and more, with over a billion dollars spent annually on backyard razzmatazz. $2.3 billion in 2023 shattered the record for spending with southeastern states buying the most – I’m sure there’s a good reason for that – and Tennessee topping the list.
Large public fireworks displays cost between five hundred and a thousand dollars a minute, and really big ones in large cities and places like Disneyland run in the tens or even hundreds of thousands. The largest of them all, Macy’s in New York City, costs millions to produce, and in 1976 at the Bi-Centennial celebration a mind-boggling $6 million went up in smoke.
If you’d rather watch a movie than a fireworks display there are plenty of patriotic-themed films, a few of which actually feature the Fourth but many that just reference the date in some fashion. Ones to consider are National Treasure: Book of Secrets, Jaws, The Evil in Us – the movie is about cannibalism but so what? – Born on the Fourth of July – the movie is anti-patriotic but so what? – and of course there’s Independence Day if you want to watch the worst inspirational speech ever filmed, and Independence Day: Resurgence if you want to watch the worst sequel ever filmed.
There’s sports to watch if that’s your thing. Horse, auto, and motorcycle racing are big, and baseball of course. The Copa America soccer tournament is always held around the Fourth, as is Wimbledon if you want to celebrate the birth of our nation watching tennis being played in the country we beat to gain our independence.
Most notable, however, is the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest which has been held on Coney Island on the 4th of July every year since 1916. The contestant who eats the most hot dogs, including buns, without vomiting – referred to as a ‘reversal of fortune’ – in the designated time frame is declared the winner. Originally the time limit for eating was 12 minutes, and has been as short as three and a half, but 10 minutes has been the standard since 2008.
Mostly of local interest for its first 85 years, the contest has exploded – see what I did there? – in popularity since 2000, and is now conducted and promoted like professional wrestling. Takeru “The Tsunami” Kobayashi dominated the early part of the century winning from 2001-6 before Joey Chestnut burst – did it again – onto the scene and won 16 of 17 from 2007-23, setting the record of 76 (!) hot dogs downed in 2021. Miki Sudo has dominated the women’s competition winning 10 the last 11, only taking a break for pregnancy – I assume she was barred that year because she was eating for two – and holds the ladies record of 51 set last year in 2024. More astounding than the number of hot dogs they’ve eaten in 10 minutes is the fact that both Chestnut and Sudo are remarkably slim.
But what I really wanted to tell you is this.
Few among us can compete with the likes of Joey and Miki, but America’s favorite pastime on the Fourth is indisputably eating. No official statistics exist but it’s safe to say that a huge majority of Americans participate in some sort of holiday hoo-ha like a backyard barbecue or family reunion or company picnic. And the primary purpose of such events is not to play corn hole or compete in three-legged races or argue with friends and relatives about politics, it’s to eat.
We loves us our grilled hamburgers and hot dogs, BBQ ribs, smoked brisket, corn on the cob, baked beans, deviled eggs, potato chips, watermelon, macaroni salad, and coleslaw, but the number one favorite food by far on the Fourth is potato salad. So much so that it’s surprising no one has ever written a patriotic musical tribute to potato salad.
Whatever you do or eat to celebrate the Fourth, I hope you enjoy yourself. And I hope you will also take a moment to reflect on what we are celebrating. On how hard it was to gain our independence and resulting freedoms and liberties, and how far we’ve come in the past 250 years. And how far we’ve gone backwards in the past 165 days. But most of all, I hope you don’t lose a finger when the roman candle blows up in your hand, or leave the potato salad out in the hot sun too long and get salmonella, or eat too much too fast and suffer a public ‘reversal of fortune’.
Thanks for listening. Talk soon.