Can I tell you something?
I don’t know shit about gardening, other than plants evidently benefit from the addition of shit to the soil. Whatever the opposite of green would be is the color of my thumb – why is it people who can grow things only use one thumb to do it? – because I am incapable of cultivating even one small cactus in a ceramic pot let alone a sprawling vegetable garden. Or a bed of roses. Which I suppose could explain why my life hasn’t been one.
But that’s not what I wanted to tell you.